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MichaelSunSecondPaper 3 - 22 May 2024 - Main.EbenMoglen
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META TOPICPARENT | name="SecondPaper" |
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< < | It is strongly recommended that you include your outline in the body of your essay by using the outline as section titles. The headings below are there to remind you how section and subsection titles are formatted. | | Paper Title: Digitalization of Medical Health Records & Its Privacy/Data Security Concerns: U.S. & South Korea | | In fact, My Healthway was the primary means to enable accurate contact tracing during the COVID-19 pandemic. JAMA Network. For example, citizens were frequently required to show their vaccination records to enter public areas and also received real-time notifications on where infected individuals were, often exposing details about others’ private lives. BBC. Although actual names or addresses of those that contacted the virus were not available, people receiving the alerts were able to make inferences about others’ private matters such as infidelities and affiliation with secret religious cults, leading to widespread public mockery and witch hunting online. BBC. Furthermore, though active news coverage of location data may have contributed to curbing the spread of the pandemic, businesses that were revealed to be settings of mass contact experienced severe financial losses. In other words, adopting a single, unified system of storing PHRs through the My Healthway platform had put both organizations and individuals at serious risk of privacy invasion, and the decision to make such information available to the public exacerbated the problem.JAMA Network. | |
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These links are useless. You don't anchor the links to the relevant phrases in the text, as we do when writing hypertext, and you repetitively cite to the whole document , as though the reader should reread the entire document each time in order to support your point. You should fix the references so the reader can use them easily and effectively.
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Considering the potential of EHRs and PHRs to transform the medical industry and produce a more accurate and convenient healthcare system, it is crucial to develop a system that protects patients’ privacy that could allow them to more readily share information. Effective safeguards must be developed to promote this kind of system, and more pre-adoption testing should be emphasized as a trial-and-error type of testing is not appropriate in this setting. | |
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This draft contains a useful summary of available information. Writing about US EHR's without explaining the proprietary software ecologies for using them, and their deliberate incompatibilities, fails to explain what's important about the technology. You don't say anything about Korean EHR software either, although that's another story of immense inefficiency and corruption. You don't discuss the US Veterans' Administration health care IT system, the free software EHR it uses, and the efforts made by the software companies, the defense contractors, and even the Pentagon itself to hobble adoption of that software.
As your conclusion shows, you haven't yet developed an idea of your own about any of this, except that privacy is important and it should be protected. You discuss HIPAA briefly, but you neither show what is strong about it nor explain difficulties if you have located them. Making the next draft stronger means getting away from the "let me summarize facts about the US and Korea" to present some actual legal ideas. (Who actually cares about Korea outside Korea, and why? Why aren't you writing about health records technology and practices in one or more European societies instead?)
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You are entitled to restrict access to your paper if you want to. But we all derive immense benefit from reading one another's work, and I hope you won't feel the need unless the subject matter is personal and its disclosure would be harmful or undesirable. |
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