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AlexKonikSecondPaper 5 - 27 Jun 2012 - Main.JaredMiller
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You Know You Only Used To Get Juiced In It | | |
Thanks for the comment Skylar. I think your suggestion is spot on, and I noticed that this is a point where I lose some clarity while I was outlining. I went through a few iterations trying to fix it but haven't arrived quite there yet. The very first iteration had me launching the same attack against undergrad subsidies, but it was hard to take that as seriously. I made a few language tweeks based on your suggestion; I wonder whether I need to make a more structural change? Thanks for reading!
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> | I do think it could use some structural changes. I suppose my main complaint is that the thesis is a bit lost in the forest. From my interpretation, it seems that your thesis is: Government subsidies are alright for undergraduate education, but they're stupid for graduate school. Is this right? I think my confusion comes from the fact that you don't really talk about graduate school until your 5th section, and you seem to go off into tangents about AmeriCorps? , education as a luxury, etc. I think these points, while interesting, could either be worked into the essay in a better fashion or, in some cases, deleted. A clearer thesis and a devotion to ensuring that every word written relates back to that thesis in some way could prove helpful.
Personally, I'm not sure if I agree with you that government subsidies for graduate school are automatically a bad idea. Yes, removing government subsidies for graduate school disincentivizes those from going to grad school who shouldn't be going in the first place. But it ends up being a much larger disincentive to poor people, mostly minorities, who will bear the brunt of a subsidy cut. People in graduate school - lawyers, doctors, businessmen - end up being the leaders and upper class of society, and by shutting poor minorities out of those paths, we continue to perpetuate a world run by white people for white people. Perhaps subsidies could be given more effectively, but I think helping poor minorities break into the upper echelon of society is just the kind of social good for which government subsidies are appropriate.
-- JaredMiller - 27 Jun 2012 | | | \ No newline at end of file |
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