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CreativeStudentWritings 9 - 23 Apr 2010 - Main.MichaelHilton
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| | Someone said I ought to try this, so here we go.
Lawyering is changing the world with words, eh? Well there's a broad definition if I've ever seen one. Changing the way the law regards an individual or class of persons, thereby changing the way the law dictates others' interactions with them, is one way to change the world with words. Lawyering? Sure. But what about changing the way an individual perceives another person or class of persons, with that change in perception affecting the way they interact - that's changing the world (at least a tiny portion of it) with words as well. Lawyering? Who knows. | | | briefly streak the sky.
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>
> | Well I'll be damned, got another one. Eben said something today regarding disassociation, and I think the speaker in this is nothing if not disassociated. And, yes, that is a nod to Thomas Wolfe in the title! (Also, had to go with the wiki formatting on this one due to the lack of italics in the other mode. It stretches out the poems, and irks the hell out of me, but I suppose it's alright to fit with the trend in this one.)
Conversation With My Angel
I’ve said this
so many times before
I should write this down
I’ve said this so many times
before I no longer know
where to begin, I’ve said this
so many times before
I no longer
know what I’m saying,
if these words have any
meaning, wont you tell me
I know I no longer love
you, I love who
you were, no longer
are, and don’t know
you at all, know you
hardly, maybe,
I’ll always know
you, who you
are or were
to me at least
what that meant | | | |
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CreativeStudentWritings 8 - 22 Apr 2010 - Main.MichaelHilton
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| | Someone said I ought to try this, so here we go.
Lawyering is changing the world with words, eh? Well there's a broad definition if I've ever seen one. Changing the way the law regards an individual or class of persons, thereby changing the way the law dictates others' interactions with them, is one way to change the world with words. Lawyering? Sure. But what about changing the way an individual perceives another person or class of persons, with that change in perception affecting the way they interact - that's changing the world (at least a tiny portion of it) with words as well. Lawyering? Who knows. | | | Thanks for taking a look! Yes, angel was most definitely what was meant (nice job on the close read). See what I said about lacking polish? Also a terrific example of why it's nice to have someone proofread your work, because I sure read angle as angel every time.
-- MichaelHilton - 20 Apr 2010 | |
>
> | Alright, so here's a second version, same poem after comments and critiques have been taken into account. Is the change stronger?
Star Fruit
The night is still,
now, quiet, now
dripping, damp lamplights
long ago gone bright -
bloomed, flickered
open like an evening
angel's trumpet,
a midnight morning glory -
now white, heavy and
held high, spilling into
the darkness, blanketing.
The black tarmac underfoot
is slick, saturated, now
branches sway overhead;
twigs droop, drops,
hanging clear, shine
pendant at their ends
as if budding, as if
the light has coalesced.
At the tips of branches
the star fruit swell, ripen,
and, falling from their facets,
briefly streak the sky.
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CreativeStudentWritings 7 - 20 Apr 2010 - Main.MichaelHilton
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| | Someone said I ought to try this, so here we go.
Lawyering is changing the world with words, eh? Well there's a broad definition if I've ever seen one. Changing the way the law regards an individual or class of persons, thereby changing the way the law dictates others' interactions with them, is one way to change the world with words. Lawyering? Sure. But what about changing the way an individual perceives another person or class of persons, with that change in perception affecting the way they interact - that's changing the world (at least a tiny portion of it) with words as well. Lawyering? Who knows. | | | One thought: angle's trumpet: was angel meant here?
-- DevinMcDougall - 17 Apr 2010 | |
>
> |
Thanks for taking a look! Yes, angel was most definitely what was meant (nice job on the close read). See what I said about lacking polish? Also a terrific example of why it's nice to have someone proofread your work, because I sure read angle as angel every time.
-- MichaelHilton - 20 Apr 2010 | | | |
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CreativeStudentWritings 6 - 17 Apr 2010 - Main.DevinMcDougall
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| | Someone said I ought to try this, so here we go.
Lawyering is changing the world with words, eh? Well there's a broad definition if I've ever seen one. Changing the way the law regards an individual or class of persons, thereby changing the way the law dictates others' interactions with them, is one way to change the world with words. Lawyering? Sure. But what about changing the way an individual perceives another person or class of persons, with that change in perception affecting the way they interact - that's changing the world (at least a tiny portion of it) with words as well. Lawyering? Who knows. | | | | |
>
> |
I like this, especially the line about the lamplights gone bright.
One thought: angle's trumpet: was angel meant here?
-- DevinMcDougall - 17 Apr 2010 | | | |
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CreativeStudentWritings 5 - 17 Apr 2010 - Main.MichaelHilton
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| | Someone said I ought to try this, so here we go.
Lawyering is changing the world with words, eh? Well there's a broad definition if I've ever seen one. Changing the way the law regards an individual or class of persons, thereby changing the way the law dictates others' interactions with them, is one way to change the world with words. Lawyering? Sure. But what about changing the way an individual perceives another person or class of persons, with that change in perception affecting the way they interact - that's changing the world (at least a tiny portion of it) with words as well. Lawyering? Who knows. | | | lolling and pellucid,
edify in its ebbing
and end. Embraced, | |
<
< | entangled in angled limbs
of backlit bark and bone. | >
> | entangled in angled limbs,
worn ragged by the bark
of backlit branches.
Alright, got a new one. This is what you call complete, but unpolished. The entire thought is formed, and down, but the specifics are lacking, and the desired effect is impeded. I see this happen with lots of writing, not just poetry, and it translates into arguments (like my first version of the first paper). It's possible to have a whole thought, but lack the polish, the specificity, that makes it convey what you're after. While the idea may be a good one, it's a given that the flaws in language can and will be used by opponents to imply meanings, while not intended, which can seriously detract from the argument's overall effectiveness.
Enough rambling, here's something to read. | | | | |
<
< | It will lose its luster, become
bleached, tattered, fade.
Hanging in the branches
of some silhouette while
the shadows seep, and spread,
and are obscured
in light's leaving. | >
> | Star Fruit
The night is still
now, quiet, dripping,
damp lamplights long
ago gone bright -
bloomed, flickered
open like the evening's
morning glory, throwing
flashes of pale pink;
an angle's trumpet,
brugmansia's orange
opening gave way, now
white, heavy and held
high, spilling over into
the darkness. The black
tarmac is slick, saturated
shining branches sway slightly
overhead; twigs droop,
drops hanging clear and
pendant at their ends
as if budding, as if
the light has coalesced.
At the tips of branches
the star fruits swell, ripen,
and, falling from their facets,
briefly streak the sky. | | | | |
>
> | | | | |
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