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DavidGoldinSecondPaper 6 - 05 Jun 2010 - Main.DavidGoldin
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| | | Is this the arc you’re attempting to create? If so, I think your focus should be on eliminating some of the hubris (Maine Sardine Workers), and refocusing on logically linking each of these steps. How does wanting to work specifically in the pharmaceutical industry actually address the role of the changed economy? How will your “access” and “dialogue” actually keep you from hurting people? | |
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< | If not, focus on clarifying what that arc is. There are other potential stories in here – you need to pick the one that is the real story, and move it to the forefront. | >
> | If not, focus on clarifying what that arc is. There are other potential stories in here – you need to pick the one that is the real story, and move it to the forefront. | | | | |
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> | Paul, | | | | |
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> | Thank you for the specific comments/feedback. It seems as though the paper didn't achieve it's intended goal, so I'll start by stating it in a few sentences, then will work on figuring out the best way to get across what I need to. | | | | |
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> | Basically, I thought that this paper assignment was a good opportunity to reflect upon a few of the ways in which I've changed this year. Every year that I've been in school (since 10th grade), I have started the school year by writing down 3 goals which I want to achieve by the end of the school year. My goals for my senior year of college were to raise my GPA, get a full time job and to read four books purely for pleasure over the course of the year. These were pretty basic, unexciting goals and I achieved all three. I still have a copy of the goals (handwritten) in my desk with check marks next to each. | | | | |
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> | This year, my goals in September were to get a high-paying job for the summer, get good grades and to help my parents out more. Two of them are relatively similar to those from senior year of college (grades, job). By the end of the year, however, the first two were no longer my driving goals. I'd still like to do well in school and could use some money, but these aren't shaping my decisions in the way that past goals of mine did. | | | | |
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> | This has never happened to me before. I've never experienced such a significant shift in one year. My goal with this paper was to reflect a bit upon some of the factors that caused this shift (changing economy, people I've met, Eben's class) and the ways in which I'm coping with it. I've changed, and these are some of the steps I'm taking to deal with it. This is meant to be a reflective piece - my argument isn't that I've picked the perfect path (because I probably haven't), hence the somewhat non-linear structure. I'm not trying to prove a specific point (i.e. oranges are better than apples) but instead to look at myself and express my findings in written form.
I hope this clarifies things a bit and that the changes I've made to the paper get this across a bit better.
-David
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