First Essay

-- By GabrielleStanfield - 11 Mar 2022

Achievement vs. Acceptance

The narrative of working “twice as hard” is one that my parents introduced to me as I started high school and I have heard it reflected in the advice of mentors and accomplished attorneys in the field ever since. On the one hand, I identify with this as I have always been driven and inspired by the outcomes that followed hard work. However, the underlying message behind this statement is one that I question.

As I matured in my academic and professional career, I confronted microaggressions, illustrating that assumptions based on my identity may precede any opportunity that I would have to convey my qualifications. Teachers singled me out (the only Black student in the classroom) presuming that I lacked the resources to complete assignments. Colleagues actively invested less time in their interactions with me, barely extending the minimum courtesy of remembering my name, conveying doubt about my bandwidth, and excluding me in seemingly unconscious but repeated incidents that revealed bias. I took this as motivation, to achieve to the extent that my work product was beyond any critique of laziness, unpreparedness, or dumb luck. I did not cut corners, I was sparing with my questions and I studied the tendencies and language of various professional and academic environments, however, I failed to recognize that my actions were oriented around gaining acceptance. I received the fleeting gratification of good grades and praise for my professional accomplishments, but each step up the ladder towards my goal of entering the corporate law world was shadowed by a lingering feeling of dissatisfaction as I never felt fully immersed in these spaces.

I realize I was adhering to the very evils of the system that I perceive as being in need of reform. I became obsessive over-analyzing people’s reactions to me to the detriment of my confidence. In each new opportunity, I started this exercise from scratch, constantly fighting to stay above the bar of low expectations that awaited.

Resisting Respectability

I identify this issue as being partially rooted in the concept of respectability. Defined as an understood set of ideas about how Black people should live positively and about how Black American culture should be shaped around the goal to uplift the black community, this term was established by Evalyn Brooks Higginbotham to describe the actions of African-American women during the Progressive Era. (https://muse.jhu.edu/article/43088) The politics of respectability, in the words of Higginbotham, included a reform of one’s individual behavior as a goal for overall reform. This strategy of self-presentation sought to overcome white stereotypes through self-censoring and the curation of a “respectable image”. (https://academic.oup.com/jcmc/article/23/3/163/4962541). In an article for online newspaper, ANDSCAPE (previously The Undefeated), author Brando Simeo Starkey describes respectability politics stating,

However, the politics of respectability are considered to be an ineffective and self-deprecating strategy for the political and social uplift of Black Americans. The rhetoric of personal responsibility reinforces the superiority of whiteness in American society by framing approval by white Americans as a goal of Black achievement.

This mindset robbed me of peace of mind and the opportunity to fully immerse myself and benefit from the experience of my education, internships, and professional opportunities. As we discuss the power of shaping our own practice in class, I feel inspired by the concept of having agency over my legal career. However, I am also intimidated and restricted by parameters that are possibly self-inflicted but definitely societally reinforced. Being hesitant to take risks, advocate for me and unrestrictedly pursue interests has real consequences as it results in limited access to valuable resources and as a result, the cycle of coveted opportunities continues to go to the individuals of backgrounds who dominate the legal industry. Furthermore, as one of so few Black individuals, let alone Black women in the legal field, I can’t help but feel impacted by the idea that my presence in the halls of an Ivy League Law School or corporate firm are reflective of a larger objective than just my own journey.

That being said, I recognize the privilege in my experience as my parents and all four grandparents are college-educated. For plenty of people of underrepresented backgrounds in law school and legal practice, your family’s stability can depend on your success in addition to these pressures.

Crafting a Solution

I am left with the question of how to avoid the pull of respectability when it seems to be a default method to gain access to positions of power and success in the legal industry. Or, phrased in the context of our course discussion, how can I make law school and eventually my legal practice work for me in light of the presumption of insufficiency that I have experienced already and anticipate as an obstacle in the big law world. We saw this on display just in the past few weeks with the outrageous call for the LSAT scores of the outstandingly qualified Supreme Court Nominee Ketanji Jackson. (https://www.latimes.com/opinion /letters-to-the-editor/story/2022-03-07/tucker-carlson-asking-to-see-judge-jacksons-lsat-score-is-racist)

Ultimately, I have come to accept that no amount of hard work, assimilation, or observance of the norms of white-dominant spaces will place me outside of the grip of scrutiny as a Black woman so long as the legal industry continues on the existing track. Furthermore, I am adamant that gaining “acceptance” and “approval” are not present among with my goals i. In terms of law school, I would like to see a more culturally nuanced focus to education, greater context in the study of cases that intersect with the history of racism in our country and in the field and more training of my peers on the inherent presence of bias in the legal space. In the 1L year as we begin the process of shaping our minds as lawyers, I think this would be valuable in place of a greater emphasis on career outcomes and adherence to the rigid restraints of the Black Letter law curriculum.

In legal practice, the optimal path forward requires a shifted narrative away from the generalization that hard work, outspokenness, authenticity and grit alone are the primary factors which equate to success for all individuals in this field. Underrepresented individuals enter these spaces, apply these characteristics and excel, however, we must acknowledge the cost and added labor associated with achieving these milestones on extremely unequal footing.

In conclusion, I am inspired personally by the lesson of John Brown and his thoughts on courage as I am committed to challenging myself to embody the same level of courage and confidence as my classmates and colleagues of backgrounds that are common and unrestrictedly welcomed in this space.

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