I’ll preface this by saying that I usually avoid these kinds of articles and discussions for several reasons. Firstly, I think this conversation too often takes precedence over other issues impacting a broader cross-section of women. Which I can live with, I guess, but it would be preferable if when these conversations did arise we could be more honest about the extremely limited scope of the topic at hand. The author is only speaking to and for a very tiny subset of women and even just making the headline “Why Professional Women X” or “Why Upper-Middle Class Women X” would have, ironically, gone a long way towards recognizing and acknowledging the fact that feminism isn’t just for privileged women. While I don’t agree with the way Wurtzel goes about it in this article, or even much of what she says, she, at least, drives that particular point home.

Secondly, I appreciated Courtney bringing up the fact that balancing work and life is not just a “woman’s issue”- and as long as we continue to frame it that way, we are contributing to the problem. I’ll also cop to my far-left-of-center liberalism and admit that I’d like to see the debate reframed completely so that we not only discuss childrearing but also work/life balance as it pertains to “carer responsibilities” which could mean caring for children, but also elder care and caring for family with mental and physical disabilities and/or addiction, as has been done in certain countries in Europe. Though some may feel that childrearing is a more “fundamental” part of life, and should take precedence over other forms of care and support, I think the principle is still the same. Even the most ambitious amongst us should not be expected to sacrifice our familial obligations at the altar of work. But as Courtney points out, such a vast overhaul of American corporate culture is likely impossible for various reasons.

Overall, I really did appreciate Slaughter’s piece because it moves us away from dichotomizing the issue, which is Wurtzel’s ultimate stumbling block in the article linked above. We are (hopefully!) far from the days of the Mommy Wars, and it shouldn't be considered an act of bravery for a professional women to admit that the "have it all" ideal is fundamentally flawed. Perhaps this will prove a stepping stone for those of us who have some semblance of a choice, to think carefully about the kinds of careers and personal lives that we want, as well as take the time to think about what our general employment culture can do to assist those who have less of a choice in how they juggle the too often conflicting demands of home and work.

-- RumbidzaiMaweni - 29 Jun 2012

Great perspectives and responses, everyone. It was good to hear from some of the Slaughter skeptics on this thread, but like Rumbi, I also felt that Slaughter has contributed a lot to this "having it all" debate because we're moving toward a more honest discussion about work/family balance. And I think this is beneficial for all us coming from a younger generation. What I found honest about Slaughter's piece is her openness to talk about her family problems (reference her discussion about her teenage son) and not being the constant nurturer she wanted to be. Yes, we can frame this as being a "Life 101" problem and not necessarily a women's only issue, but how often do we hear women in the workforce talk candidly about this? Not just having kids (if at all) or getting married, but the similar struggles that Rumbi pointed out -- bigger and more complicated family obligations. And we can say oh sure this is life, and we'll be better off the sooner we realize how complicated and hard our lives will become as we move higher in the totem pole, but why should we settle so easily? One of Slaughter's most interesting points for me was how the school system still functions based on that archaic norm of the stay at home mom. The suggestion Slaughter's assistant raised was matching school schedules with work schedules, and I seriously thought that was brilliant. I mean, why the heck not? For some this can be one of those impossible or transformative changes that seems hard to imagine, but we've made far more drastic changes in our society.