First, it's interesting how specific cultural norms are also incorporated into these modes of communication. Amongst my friends in the UK, when we text each other, it's customary to put an "x" at the end for "kiss." One "x" is for acquaintances; several "xxx" for good friends. It's so customary that it almost reads as cold or impolite not to do it, and at times when I've forgotten, I've felt self-conscious. It's interesting to think about how I learned that without being told, and how I now unconsciously shift between different texting styles depending on whom I'm speaking with. Neither conveys my meaning more or less, but doing the ritual "correctly", depending on the social context, somehow feels important and necessary which, perhaps, lends some validity to the idea of etiquette as social control..

Another example I've also been thinking about recently is how much etiquette informs our use of social media and the degree to which we feel we can shape that experience on our own terms. I'm very liberal about adding and allowing myself to be added to other people's networks on Facebook when I enter a new environment. But over time, when situations arise wherein I'm connected to people via Facebook who I don't speak to, engage with, or even exchange "hello"s with when we pass each other in the halls either at school or in the workplace, I reserve the right to delete people from my list, and I frequently do mass Facebook culls. This habit has made for some interesting exchanges- I've gotten angry emails from acquaintances I haven't spoken to in years whom, for whatever reason, literally noticed what I had done the very next day and felt insulted. There is a very strong sense that it is bad manners or even mean-spirited to freely and frequently renegotiate the boundaries of this social space which I find bewildering, because we certainly feel like we have the right to renegotiate our off-line social spheres. Online etiquette of this form strikes me as particularly problematic because it intersects with our ideas about privacy, and what behaviors are OK or not OK to engage in when trying to protect it. It makes me wonder if perhaps we're being conditioned to see relinquishing a degree of privacy as necessary to maintaining a certain level of decorum.

Finally, on the other hand, it's also in these spaces where you can see social etiquette collapse a bit, and give way to something a little more illuminating. We've all experienced someone writing something topical on our Facebook "walls" which quickly leads to an ongoing conversation or "debate." Frequently these conversations breakdown somewhat because there isn't the same kind of very clearly defined and easy to convey social signaling you get in day-to-day social interactions, nor is there a rigid framework in place defining the limits of the discussion and who can participate. So, what you're left with are different meanings and normative understandings piled on top of each other and co-existing in uneasy tension which I think can be valuable in and of itself, though frustrating for the person trying to convey a precise message funneled through a mode of etiquette that the group, as a whole, has subscribed to and agrees upon.

-- RumbidzaiMaweni - 19 Apr 2012