Managing my expectations

My disappointments

What do I do now?

I saw what those in power believe is justice and I do not want any part of it. To them “justice” is about quelling the discourse that makes them critically analyze their actions and policy. Justice for them is about crushing dissent and making clear there is a hierarchy about who matters even though they claim we are all equal and valued members of the community. This all falls in line with the historical arch of predominantly white institutions in America but I wanted to believe we have come farther than that. The biggest lesson I learned from 1L is that to be a great lawyer you need people you can trust and that is not done easily. There are many people that will pretend to have your back until a situation of self-preservation comes up and then will leave you high and dry. Maybe it is “human nature” and a natural response but as leaders and stewards, there needs to be a higher level of accountability and the reversion to instinctive behavior should be avoided at all costs.I want to do my part in bringing healing and understanding and build back the trust that was lost. The only way to move forward and to be a good lawyer is to always act in good faith and hold honesty and integrity in the highest regard. I cannot accomplish my goals for the rest of law school and my legal career on my own. I have no choice but to trust people around me which means that I need to pour into my relationships with those that are in my corner and this year has shown me who they are.

The key to improvement is tighter organization. There's no outline in the draft: I think you wrote it responsively, rather than by plotting it out. That was good to help you loosen the writing and take your own tone, but it could use more control.

I saw what those in power believe is justice and I do not want any part of it. To them “justice” is about quelling the discourse that makes them critically analyze their actions and policy. Justice for them is about crushing dissent and making clear there is a hierarchy about who matters even though they claim we are all equal and valued members of the community. This all falls in line with the historical arch of predominantly white institutions in America but I wanted to believe we have come farther than that. The biggest lesson I learned from 1L is that to be a great lawyer you need people you can trust and that is not done easily. There are many people that will pretend to be for you and care about you until a situation of self-preservation comes up and they will gladly leave you high and dry. I guess it is “human nature” and a natural response but as leaders and stewards there needs to be a higher level of accountability and the reversion to instinctive behavior should be avoided at all costs.I want to do my part in bringing healing and understanding and build back the trust that was lost. The only way to move forward and to be a good lawyer is to always act in good faith and hold honesty in the highest regard. I cannot accomplish my goals for the rest of law school and my legal career on my own. I have no choice but to trust people around me which means that I need to pour into my relationships with those that are in my corner and this year has shown me who they are.

Lessons on trust

-- By JonathanCoaxum - 24 May 2024

Lawyering is all about trust. This is a lesson that I learned the hard way this semester while watching the university I was coming to love go through a manufactured crisis. During this time it quickly became apparent who actually had my best interest at heart and who only was looking out for themselves and responding to specific stakeholders.

As a black man entering a predominantly white, elite institution I knew that there was going to have to be a lot of social navigating to have a successful time studying here. And by that I mean finding the right people who truly have my best interest in mind and will support me when times are less than ideal. This in essence just means I need to find my people and know who will go to bat for me when it matters and have a vested interest in my success. I need to know that I am not invisible and I matter to a few important people that walk the halls of Jerome Greene Hall. It’s sad to say that even in 2024 there are plenty of people that want to make me feel small only based on what I look like and where I come from. They see my existence in these spaces as a threat to the comfortability in their mediocrity this society has afforded them due to their unearned privileges.

For some reason I naively believed that things would be different here and at the law school. I thought that since it was clear that I was well on my path to greatness I would be ignored and I was seen as an asset to the institution. I served as an admissions ambassador and I am an incoming president of an affinity group. I am someone that they want to be a face for the school and promote the greatness that can be achieved by coming here. I began to feel that finally my worth, which I have always known, was at least partially being recognized and maybe even valued. However, it only is when it is convenient for the school and it fits with their interests. This just shows me that those that act in such a manner have clearly not mastered the art of lawyering because they depend on their title for their legitimacy and not their actions. In an indirect way they have taught me what it means to be a good lawyer because they have displayed all the ways that bad lawyering can be done and the lasting consequences that result from such ineptitude.

One of the few pros about times of crisis is that it is when people’s true colors show their clearest. You see how people either rise to the occasion and effectively lead or shy away and hide in their ivory tower being protected by bureaucracy and other quasi-legitimate avenues of power. I am sad to say that both my faith and trust in this institution and those at the helm has been severely eroded. I took the advice of the few people that I could trust and tried to proactively work to avoid further injury. I did what a good lawyer would do and went to those whom I am supposed to trust in good-faith expressing my deep concern for the already marginalized black and brown students at this school. That effort was met with nothing but silence. To me it was the biggest slap in the face. It told me that I am not just small but invisible and how am I supposed to trust those who are put in positions of power when they cannot even reply to an email. It further shows the hollowness of the rhetoric about diversity and inclusion that this school spews. They only listen to people with the means of financial influence which will always favor the privileged and not the oppressed. Those still in power believe that they have been “saved by the bell” in a sense by thinking that the summer will make us all forget the deeply traumatic events we all experienced and the egregious apathy they had toward us. In truth they only deferred and inevitable reckoning with the questions around due process, free speech, and equal protection. The key pillars to a truly free and democratic society.

I saw what those in power believe is justice and I do not want any part of it. To them “justice” is about quelling the discourse that makes them have to critically analyze their actions. Justice for them is about crushing dissent and making clear there is a hierarchy about who matters even though they claim we are all equal and valued members of the community. This all falls in line with the historical arch of predominantly white institutions in America but I wanted to believe we have come farther than that. The biggest lesson I learned from 1L is that to be a great lawyer you need people you can trust and that is not done easily. There are many people that will pretend to be for you and care about you until a situation of self-preservation comes up and they will gladly leave you high and dry. I guess it is “human nature” and a natural response but as leaders and stewards there needs to be a higher level of accountability and the reversion to instinctive behavior should be avoided at all costs. I thought I wanted to be a lawyer because I loved justice but I have come to realize that “justice” is not an objective concept. I want to be a lawyer because I hate “injustice”. In our society we too readily accept the” justice” from channels of power without critically thinking about what is actually happening. I want to do my part in bringing healing and understanding and build back the trust that was lost or at least strengthen my bonds with the few that I do trust here. The only way to move forward and to be a good lawyer is to always act in good faith and hold honesty in the highest regard.

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