The Life Stages of the 21st Century Black Advocate as Told Through the Lens of a Tired Black Woman

-- By KailaAlston - 12 Mar 2022

There’s a cycle of emotions and ‘life stages’ that nearly every Black person goes through. I don’t think this cycle is well recognized outside of the Black community because the psychological turmoil the average Black youth must endure is incomparable to any other experience. I will break down the cycle into four distinct stages: awakening, resistance, exhaustion, and rebirth. I would like to highlight my experience as a Black woman born in the 2000s in something particularly unique to my generation. Nearly all of my pivotal experiences can be pinpointed back to a particular moment that was broadcasted across the nation via TV and social media.

Awakening

The awakening stage: the moment in time in which it occurs to the average Black youth that they aren’t viewed in the same way as their nonblack peers. This can happen at a variety of ages. For me, it first clicked when I was around 10 years old during the Trayvon Martin trial. I vividly remember sitting in my parents' bedroom watching the final verdict come down as the trial came to a close. I remember my mother breaking down in tears as the not guilty verdict was announced. I remember being extremely confused because my parents always taught me that if wrong is done then the justice system will correct that harm. Talking it over with my mom it was at that moment that I understood being Black does not afford you the same protections or privileges as your non-Black counterparts. The most jarring part of the whole ordeal was going to my predominantly white elementary school the next day with not a word of the decision or Trayvon’s name uttered all day. My non-black friends had no idea of what had transpired over the last 24 hours. It was then, as most young black people come to realize, that I recognized my identity would color my life and experiences in a vastly different manner than my non-black peers' identities would.

Resistance

The resistance stage doesn’t always directly follow the awakening stage. For me, there was a lull of around three years between the initial realization that racism exists and the ignition of the visceral need to do something to change it. The murder and events following the murder of Michael Brown were the sparks that lit a fire under my tail and began my resistance stage. It was then at thirteen I started to understand what I could do. How I could participate in protests, how I could advocate for my people, and how I could bring social awareness to my peers. The Black Lives Matter movement had just started gaining traction and I was going to do everything in my power to support it. From the age of thirteen on it seemed that with every passing birthday I was gifted with a new list of names to mourn and fight for. I remember spending hours after school fighting with people on social media trying to make them understand that racism is alive and thriving in our country. Trying to make them understand why thousands of black people were in the streets angry and upset that the killers of our brothers and sisters were allowed to walk free. I remember getting into many heated arguments with my non-black peers on why what they believed or said was problematic and anti-black. I remember the relentless fight to try and educate people who couldn’t be bothered to care about their ignorance.

This relentless fight is something that so many Black youth experiences in their formative years. I think it’s become particularly apparent with the rise in social media. It seems that no matter where you turn there is a constant onslaught of racist ideology in the form of tweets, TikToks? , Instagram posts, etc. It’s no wonder that Black youth often feel the need to fight for their right to be viewed as a person on a near-daily basis.

Exhaustion

At some point, everyone is bound to hit their breaking point. After years of near-constant fighting on and offline, it should come as no surprise that burnout is inevitable. It happens for everyone at a different pace. For me, it finally hit the year I turned 19 also known as the year that George Floyd was murdered. I did not go to a protest, I completely disappeared off of social media, and I spoke to no one about the situation aside from my family and my therapist. Nearly all of the things I had previously done to advocate for my community had completely broken down. I was mentally, emotionally, and physically tired from what felt like a never-ending fight to prove that the amount of melanin in my skin did not determine my worth as a person. Burnout looks different for everyone but I think there are a few things that are consistent. First, is the general feeling of exhaustion. This tiredness is unlike any other. You feel physically heavy as if doing anything aside from taking care of yourself will cause you to fall apart. Second, the guilt. Growing up Black means that you realize that almost no one is going to be there to advocate for your community except for you and your community. If you stop fighting, who will be there for your people?

Rebirth

After exhaustion comes the rebirth of the Black advocate. I can't speak much to this because I’m still in the midst of it myself. After what feels like giving up you start to rebuild. You realize that while advocating for your community is necessary and important, you can't do it at the expense of your own health. It’s a balancing act. For me, that may mean “selling out” in a biglaw job to sustain the lifestyle I want for myself and my family while doing pro-bono on the side. For others, it could look completely different. Rebirth and rebuilding is a long and hard process that I am still learning.

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