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< | The Legal Conveyor Belt | >
> | Trains | | | | |
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< | -- By TiffanyYoung - 14 Mar 2017 | >
> | -- By TiffanyYoung - 31 May 2017 | | | | |
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< | As I near the home stretch of my 1L year, I can’t help but feel that, like Wylie in Lawyerland, I am often in search of ways to make survival in the legal world bearable. Recently, I’ve found it harder and harder to deny the fact that I am burned out from 17 straight years of school. No matter how interested I am in a particular topic, mustering energy to focus in class and complete assignments is extremely difficult and, quite frankly, miserable. I feel like Wylie is experiencing a similar feeling. Years of being in a system that one does not care for can really take a toll. | >
> | As I make my daily commute to work, I can’t help but notice a parallel between the train system and my professional path. I am on a set rail that I cannot change. Even if I wanted to get off this line – which I do – I cannot, at least for now. I spent the better part of 1L year panicking because I could not get off this train immediately, but that’s not the right approach at all. I should be looking toward the future, searching for the next transfer point that connects with my desired path or considering the various stations ahead of me in light of their final destinations. As of now, I cannot say what is my destination, but I do know one thing: I am headed in the right general direction (I will explain my decision to return for 2L year in my second essay). | | | | |
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< | Unlike Wylie, though, the upper-downer buzz that distracts me from the ennui of my daily grind is achieved by a very delicate balance between time spent with friends and quiet solitude during which I interrogate myself: do I really want to be in law school? At this point, I can’t even tell whether I don’t like law school or I simply don’t like school at all. On one hand, I am really glad to have met my peers and I find the legal discourse extremely interesting. On the other hand, law school (and perhaps even all schooling) often feels like a conveyor belt which I want to escape but cannot. The constant alternating between emotional highs and lows means I don’t get stuck in a rut self-doubt and can keep plodding my way through each day. Some might point out that neither Wylie nor I are obligated to continue on our current paths, but maybe the decision to rebel against the system is not so easy to make. | >
> | Changing Perspectives | | | | |
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< | Internalization | >
> | I think the first step to really moving forward in my professional life and objectively weighing the different options in front of me is to just mind my own business. It’s easy to look at everybody around me and compare myself to them. It’s easy to look at someone else’s job and think, “Why aren’t I doing something like that?” But this mindset breeds unhealthy, unnecessary stress. Continuing with the train analogy, it really makes no sense to try and beat other passengers to the station for two reasons: we are all on the same train and the station is not the end goal. | | | | |
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< | Regardless of how I feel about the law school conveyor belt, however, I find myself still adhering to – and actually wanting to adhere to – the most commonly expressed expectations and standards. I feel that many lawyers and law students have internalized these expectations, perhaps out of anxiety or fear. As Professor Moglen once said in class, law students are risk-averse control freaks. Law school presents a tried and true path to kick start a fledging lawyer’s career, and that sense of security is alluring enough that many law students would abandon non-Big Law plans, at least temporarily. For me, I do not want to pursue a career in Big Law, but I feel compelled to participate because it seems like I am falling behind, since everybody else is already getting ahead in the rat race. Speaking to peers, I have found several others who share the sentiment, yet somehow we still feel a certain sense of guilt for not networking at receptions or attending private sector information sessions. It feels almost wrong to not participate in this race in which we hold no interest. | >
> | I used to view each summer as a separate “train” and not having a firm job my 1L summer suddenly put me behind a whole year, but the reality is that my entire graduating class is moving at the same pace dictated by Columbia Law School. An extra summer at a law firm changes nothing. Even a few years make no difference. For those fortunate enough to attend a prestigious law school, there will be a train waiting for us, no matter how late the hour. What matters more than when I become a lawyer is what I plan to do as a lawyer. | | | | |
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< | Also, repeatedly hearing praise for Big Law eventually engrains a belief that the private sector route is indeed superior. Though I have heard time and time again that the 1L summer job is not a major cornerstone of our legal careers, I still feel . Hearing about 1Ls who will be getting their foot in the Big Law door incites a pang of envy in me even though, logically, I know their summer program is no better than any others and the position is probably not more impressive to employers. I tell myself I don’t want to work in Big Law, but somewhere deep down I cannot deny the anxiety caused by not securing a private sector position. This mindset is troublesome since I feel that I cannot allow myself to hop off the conveyor belt and can thus only progress quickly along it. | >
> | Turning to my second reason, even if we all get off at the same stop, everyone needs to either transfer or make a short walk to actually arrive at their final destination. Competing with my peers along every step of my journey is not necessarily good because I don’t know their goals, and what they’re doing may not be the best option for my future plans. I fixated on the first-year associateship, but that is not the end all and be all. Many people have aspirations within and after Big Law that have very little to do with my aspirations. So I must stop comparing myself to them. I realize now that’s what I failed to understand previously. | | | | |
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< | A Sense of Urgency | >
> | Looking at the Big Picture | | | | |
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< | I realize I have a possibly irrational sense of urgency to either “get ahead” in the race out of Big Law or find an alternate route that does not necessitate dedicating grueling years to a big law firm. But I don’t want to become Wylie. I don’t want to find myself constantly self-medicating years down the road simply because the money was good or because it was what everyone else was doing or especially because I somehow let others convince me this was what I truly wanted. I look at my peers who have secured summer work with companies I hope to work at someday and I panic. I panic because I feel like I am not taking steps to move along the conveyor belt and if steps aren’t taken soon, I will find myself miserable and old. But that is not true. For now, I hope to find the answer to why I am at law school, and perhaps then I will be able to make peace with choosing a different path and the pace at which I am moving along it. | >
> | My entire focus last year was centered on making it to (then out of) Big Law. At the time, it seemed no matter the career path, everyone had to sacrifice a requisite few years to the Big Law gods. Even so, it should not be the center of my career planning. I spent most of my 1L year dreading the law school conveyor belt. I was thoroughly convinced I would despise the lifestyle and feared I would hate the work. I didn’t see that everything is only what you make of it. | | | | |
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> | In my mind, there was a tight race to Big Law and an even tighter race in Big Law. But there is no race to Big Law, especially at an institution like Columbia Law School where the great majority of us secure a private sector position before our second year even begins. And for me, there is no race in Big Law. I have no aspiration to make partner or to even stay in a corporate-style law firm for more than a handful of years. For me, Big Law is simply the most efficient way of obtaining the skills I need to move on to the next step of my career, whatever that may be. Viewing Big Law as a stepping stone, I see there is no race; I don’t need to constantly be ahead of the crowd because I am not vying for those few coveted job openings. It’s not a race but a learning opportunity. | | | | |
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The real subject of the essay is the concern about "falling behind"
others in "the race." Weariness with a form of schooling that
produces little feedback is not irrelevant to that subject, to be
sure, but it's the camouflage rather than the tank.
Why not try a draft in which you have rejected the idea that other
peoples' paths through law school have anything to do with yours?
It's a big country with lots of smart, voluble people in it. Your
classmates aren't "your" competition, looking for the same
promotions in the same army—just other young people looking to
begin their professional lives. If you can write even 1,000 words
from the knowledge that there isn't any race and therefore you're
not falling behind in it (which is the actual reality, as it
happens), it will do you no end of good.
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> | A New Outlook | | |
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> | At the end of the day, we’re all headed the same general direction: becoming (hopefully) great lawyers. Along the way, there will be several opportunities to customize my legal education and experience, and I need to accept the fact that no one shares the exact same background. I may feel pressure to copy or follow what others are doing, but I should not feel guilty or regretful for failing to do so. I should focus of enjoying the opportunities I do have, learning as much as I can from them, and highlighting the positives that come out of my time well spent. | | | \ No newline at end of file |
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