Sir, Thank you very much for your comment. I really appreciate it.

-- KeeryongSong - 26 Jan 2010

Keeryong, I agree that no more revision is needed. It seems to me that you've written an essay whose value to you is in the telling: what you have discovered about possibility. For readers who have grown up in this culture, on the other hand, the value is in the discovery of what they take for granted. The creativity inherent in a system that leaves people free to find their own way based on individual self-reflection rather than a operating "constructed self" based on others' opinions is often obscured from our sight, because we are so accustomed to it that we do not appreciate what it gives us. People come to this country to find this freedom, or they acquire a taste for it once they are here, but those of us who start with it often underestimate its meaning.

Revisions have been made

-- KeeryongSong - 17 Dec 2009

Dear Brian, I would like to say that I really appreciate your thoughtful comments on my writing. There were three sentences that you pointed out. First, "It is not only because I have a financial friendly result of my career aptitude test". I think that I have to re-phrase it as "It is not only because I have a FINANCE friendly reuslt ON my career aptitude test". I was trying to say that "a FINANCE friendly result" was my result of the test. Second, "but they did know the rules of racing" should be "but they did NOT know the rules of racing". Your correction was very accurate. Third, "After being questioned these questions" has to be "After being questioned BY these questions". I think my writing certainly is going to be better if I make changes like the above. Thank you for your consideration.

-- KeeryongSong - 12 Dec 2009

Keeryong,

I enjoyed reading your essay. Thanks for sharing your personal account of coming to New York. I will try to provide a few suggestions, as you requested.

A few structural things. The sentence "It is not only because I have a financial friendly result of my career aptitude test." was a bit confusing to me. I understand the point of the sentence is to communicate that a career aptitude test indicated you would be well-suited to a job as a corporate lawyer, but the "financial" adjective confused me and made me wonder if the sentence instead refers to a career aptitude result that indicated you would be well-suited to a job in finance generally. Also, the sentence "The investment bankers looked like “racing horses” since they had the money and had the physical ability to run, but they did know the rules of racing, or how to race." seems to be missing a "not" in "but they did not know the rules of racing ...." Finally, the sentence "After being questioned these questions," would read better if rephrased.

I don't have any substantive comments because your essay already does what I believe you intend it to do: it communicates the story of your reevaluating the life that you thought you wanted to live, and questioning the road ahead in light of new experiences. I agree with you that it is generally wise to reconsider the road you are taking often, because mistakes or bad choices will usually only be revealed if you stop to look for them. You are also right: it is particularly important to consider the road now, for the next step we take (into a legal position) will have substantial (though not necessarily dispositive) weight in the course of life.

I hope these comments are helpful.

-- BrianS - 12 Dec 2009

Thank you very much Allan. It's something that I really needed!

-- KeeryongSong - 04 Dec 2009

Dear Ando, I really appreciate your sincere comment. Since we are having a great time while experiencing a viewpoint which we were not used to our whole lives, I think both of us are going to gain a lot when this semester ends.

-- KeeryongSong - 04 Dec 2009

Keeryong, I've added a comment box to your paper, so that we can make comments without editing the paper itself.

-- AllanOng - 03 Dec 2009

<--/commentPlugin-->

WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE A HUMAN BEING LIVING IN A DIFFERENT CULTURE

I. Background

II. Encountering Two Major Differences

III. Experiencing Changes In Thoughts

IV. Conclusion

-- By KeeryongSong - 15 Nov 2009

I. Background

However, after coming to New York, I came to realize what diversity meant. Unlike Korea, people seemed to be free from the social norms and pursue whatever they wanted. They were thinking of their own values in their own way. For example, in Korea, the meaning of successful life might be identical or similar to many people. It might mean, going to a nice university, getting a nice job, getting paid well, leading a wealthy life and raising your kids in a prosperous environment. Since most Koreans have a similar definition of success, the ways of achieving it also becomes similar. It is becoming a doctor or a lawyer. While in school, it is regarded to be a good thing if you say, “I want to be a lawyer in the future”, but a bad thing, if you say, “I want to be an explorer”.

II. Encountering Two Major Differences

III. Experiencing Changes In Thoughts

However, when I came to New York, I realized people had totally different values, in life, from me. Several questions started to hover in my mind. “Is the value that I have pursued for my whole life an “optimal” one for me?” “Am I pursuing it because I really want to achieve it? Or just because it’s what’s regarded to be the best thing to pursue?” After being questioned these questions, I couldn’t get rid of these questions. In the past, I was pretty sure who I was and what I wanted. But now, as a person who doesn’t even know what exists out there in the world, I’m getting confused about my goals in life. It’s probably because I’m thinking about things which I didn’t think about in the past. I’m sure that my thoughts are being generated by totally different viewpoints of people I newly met here in New York. I have to say that most of the “shocking approaches on matters” or “viewpoints I have never thought about” are coming from “Law in the Internet Society” lecture.

IV. Conclusion

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