Diminishing our personhood

I don't understand the idea of yours behind this draft. I see that there are some people whose ideas are summarized. It doesn't seem to me that you have actually put us in dialogue, or taken the opportunity to develop the ideas originally expressed by Bernard, or me or Mr Lynch. Three different notions at different levels of generality have been expressed in successive paragraphs, but what is the relationship among these ideas, and how did that generate an idea of your own? The conclusion, aside from the faux-paranoid language of "plotting" and "intrusion" doesn't actually contain any idea I can summarize, except that of "we need to reclaim our freedom," which is emotionally satisfying but not analytically illuminating.

As with the first essay, it seems to me that the important task of improvement here is the clear articulation of your own idea. Once clearly and succinctly out on the page, as the first sentence or two of another draft, we can see what support is necessary to assist its development, whether from Harcourt or Lynch or somewhere else. Those ideas which you need to explain the development of your own can be drawn from and cited not to a publisher's advertisement but to some actual text. We need, however, what you think, not what Bernard thinks or I think, to play the central role in the next draft.