Lessons on trust

-- By JonathanCoaxum - 24 June 2024

Lawyering is all about trust. Trust is the most important social currency a person has. Without trust society would not function, humans are social creatures and need each other to not just to thrive but to survive. This is a lesson that I learned the hard way this semester while watching the university go through a manufactured crisis. It quickly became apparent who actually had the collective best interest at heart and who only was looking out for themselves and specific stakeholders.

Managing my expectations

As a black man entering a predominantly white, elite institution, I knew I would have to socially navigate to have a successful time studying here. This means finding the right people, peers and faculty, who truly have my best interest in mind and will support me when times are less than ideal. I need to find my people and know who will go to bat for me when it matters and have a vested and genuine interest in my success. I need to know that I am not invisible and I matter to a few important people here. Sadly, there are still plenty of people that want to make me feel small based on what I look like and where I come from. They see my presence here as a threat to their comfort in their mediocrity this society has afforded them due to their unearned privileges. I can only trust the people who do not think and act in such a way.

My disappointments

I naively believed that things would be different in law school. I thought that since I am well on my path to greatness I could not be ignored and would be seen as an asset to the institution. I served as an admissions ambassador and I am an incoming president of an affinity group. I am someone that they want to be a face for the school and promote the greatness that can be achieved by coming here. I began to feel that finally my worth, which I have always known, was at least partially being recognized and maybe even valued. However, I am valued only when it is convenient for the school and it fits with their interests. This shows me that those that act in such a manner have clearly not mastered the art of lawyering because they depend on their title for their legitimacy and not their actions and relationships. In an indirect way, they have taught me what it means to be a good lawyer because they have displayed all the ways that bad lawyering can be done and the lasting consequences that result from such ineptitude.

During times of crisis, people show their true colors. People either rise to the occasion and lead or shy away and hide in their ivory tower and behind their title. I have seen more of the latter and both my faith and trust in this institution and those at the helm has been severely eroded. I took the advice of the few people that I could trust and tried to proactively work to avoid further injury to our community. I did what a good lawyer would do and went to the leaders I am supposed to trust in good-faith expressing my deep concern for the marginalized black and brown students here and the threat NYPD poses to us. That effort was met with nothing but silence. To me it was the biggest slap in the face. It told me that I am not just small but invisible. How am I supposed to trust those who are put in positions of power when they cannot even reply to an email? It further shows the hollowness of the rhetoric about diversity and inclusion that this school spews and the indifference at the core. They only listen to people with the means of financial influence which will always favor the privileged and not the oppressed. Those still in power need to take this summer pause to focus on building back trust and focusing on ensuring for everyone due process, free speech, and equal protection, the pillars of a free and democratic society. The combination of certain action and inaction has left a lasting impression on the student body and has nearly bankrupted the bank of trust at Columbia.

What do I do now?

I saw what those in power believe is justice and I do not want any part of it. To them “justice” is about quelling the discourse that makes them critically analyze their actions and policy. Justice for them is about crushing dissent and making clear there is a hierarchy about who matters even though they claim we are all equal and valued members of the community. This all falls in line with the historical arch of predominantly white institutions in America but I wanted to believe we have come farther than that. The biggest lesson I learned from 1L is that to be a great lawyer you need people you can trust and that is not done easily. There are many people that will pretend to have your back until a situation of self-preservation comes up and then will leave you high and dry. Maybe it is “human nature” and a natural response but as leaders and stewards, there needs to be a higher level of accountability and the reversion to instinctive behavior should be avoided at all costs.I want to do my part in bringing healing and understanding and build back the trust that was lost. The only way to move forward and to be a good lawyer is to always act in good faith and hold honesty and integrity in the highest regard. I cannot accomplish my goals for the rest of law school and my legal career on my own. I have no choice but to trust people around me which means that I need to pour into my relationships with those that are in my corner and this year has shown me who they are.

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