After our discussion on Thursday I thought it would be helpful to explain why I care so much about my grades. Grades have caused me a tremendous amount of “fear and anxiety” over the past 14 weeks and I would love to stop caring. I’m hoping that Eben and the rest of the class can lift this mighty weight from my shoulders, but I’m not optimistic that it can be done.

I care about grades because other people care about grades.

That’s the short of it. It’s a horrible cycle. Let me explain what I mean.

I care about my grades because it will affect what other people think, and I care what other people think because I believe it has an effect on my happiness.

A little bit about my history with grades may help clarify and explain what I mean:

I didn’t always care about my grades. In high school I wouldn’t bother turning in term papers, because I didn’t care whether I got an A, a B, or even a C. The only slight reason I cared is because my parents cared and would scold me at the end of each semester when I did poorly and being scolded made me unhappy. When it came time to apply to college I found out the hard way that college admissions officers also cared about my grades. I felt that being rejected from the colleges of my choice had a negative effect on my happiness.

In college I started to care about my grades. Graduate schools would care about them and I cared what graduate schools thought because it would be tied to my admission or rejection (or maybe even scholarship money), which I viewed as directly related to my happiness. Am I happier here at Columbia than I would be at Brooklyn or Cardozo? Maybe, maybe not, but at least I had the choice whether to come here or go there.

If I am happier, it’s because other people think that going to Columbia makes me “smart” or “intelligent.” My grandparents can say “my grandson, oh he’s so smart, he goes to Columbia Law School.” I get some joy out of that. Then there are women, who somehow seem more infatuated with a Columbia guy. Employers will view me differently coming from Columbia as will future clients if I should start my own practice.

It seems my college grades have been related to my happiness if for no other reason than that they have allowed me an increased amount of choice in my life. I will have more choice over what job I take and I had more choice in which law school to attend.

Now in law school I care more about grades than ever, because these will be my final grades in life. For the rest of my life my resume will say that I either made law review or I didn’t, that I was a Stone or Kent Scholar or that I wasn’t. Other people will read these and make judgments about me. I view getting a good clerkship, a job at a prestigious law firm, or a job at a prestigious public interest organization as tied to my happiness. Pawnshops aren’t the only places that care about grades.

Will getting these jobs really make my happy? Or happier? Just like going to Columbia makes people think certain things about me, so will the next job that I have.

There are only two ways I see out of this horrible cycle: 1) other people stop carrying about my grades; or 2) I stop carrying what other people think, because I decide it’s not tied to my happiness.

1) Other people stop caring about my grades.

I have little control over what other people think about grades. I can only try not to care about other people’s grades. A task I will work on, but is easier said than done. If I’m making a hiring decision will I completely ignore a person’s grades? I probably can’t avoid judging a person with a 2.0 differently from someone with a 4.0.

The other possibility is that other people don’t care about my grades; it’s just all in my head. While I will admit that my head is a strange place where all sorts of imaginary events occur, I don’t believe this to be one of those events. Other people caring about my grades I believe to be very real, but feel free to disagree.

2) I stop carrying what other people think, because I decide it’s not tied to my happiness

People often say that you shouldn’t care what other people think. I have trouble doing it. My 25 years of experience have ingrained in me an understanding that what other people think will affect my happiness. Other people will employ me, or clients will choose whether or not to hire me. People also choose whether or not to socialize with me. These decisions are made based on what people think of me and the decisions have an effect on my happiness. Humans are social beings.

I see grades as a horrible cycle. One that I am firmly entrenched in and powerless on my own to escape from. If you can set me free please try.

-- JoshLerner - 08 Feb 2010

I would challenge the assertion that women are more infatuated with Columbia guys. But, don't take my word for it. I propose a test.

For Guys:

Do You Have A Date For Valentine's Day?

Select ...YesNo

No 0% (7) Yes 0% (5)

For Girls:

When you meet a guy, you first notice his:

Select ...EyesSmileIvy League Degree

In all seriousness, I think the easy way to stop caring about what other people think is to define success and happiness in a way that doesn't rest on outside approval.

Admittedly, grades are important, especially when it comes to short-term job prospects. But there is a limit.

I'll volunteer an example. I would like to be a good father someday. My kids won't particularly care what grades I earned in law school or how prestigious my job is. They will care if I'm not present at their birth because my firm was sending me on a business trip. I had jury duty over break and overheard a lawyer trying to justify just such an ill-timed trip to a colleague.

To his credit, he dressed really well.

-- RonMazor - 08 Feb 2010