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Academia Bulimia

-- By BrianMaida - 01 Apr 2016

My Disorder

The Mayo Clinic defines bulimia nervosa as an emotional eating disorder; effected persons binge, eating large amounts of food, and subsequently purge, trying to get rid of extra calories in an unhealthy way.

Since graduation from college, my friends have spread across the country achieving more and more impressive feats: George took a job at SpaceX? , Matias got promoted at General Motors, Charlie is one of the lead engineers supervising Columbia’s new building project on 125th Street. Meanwhile, I sit in the Arthur W. Diamond Library of Jerome Greene Hall and read. Torts, contracts, property, crim, it’s all a blur. Every few months the four of us get together at McSorley? ’s, our old stomping ground, right across the street from our alma mater. The night plays out the same each time: we drink, quickly update each other on new developments and then we reminisce. Without fail, the story gets told of my finest and worst cramming moment. I slept through my alarm and showed up at 8:15AM for a 9AM Quantum Physics final, without even knowing what topics I was about to be tested on. The three of them sat with me for a few minutes and showed me the “important stuff.” I was a nervous, emotional wreck... so I ate a large amount of physics, and subsequently purged it into a bluebook, trying to get my A in an unhealthy way.

My Sister

My sister Lauren is a patent lawyer at a boutique firm in New York, having moved on from Cravath to work [slightly] fewer hours, for similar pay, with the added bonus of actually seeing her son. Lauren and I have a lot in common: same NYC public schools, majored in engineering at the same college, worked for four years and then attended law school. She likes to joke that she worked her ass of to blaze a trail in life and I just followed her.

When Lauren would come over the house and talk about work, it seemed like she was constantly switching careers. At one dinner she gave me an in-depth explanation about the process for making steel; the next month it was a banking app; following that, she was a coffee connoisseur. Seemingly every few months, Lauren would have to learn some aspect of a completely new field, apply it to the case, and potentially never use it again. I mean, she doesn’t even drink coffee.

While she would certainly dispute this, in my opinion, my sister is a professional crammer.

My Concern

Thus far in my life, I can say, somewhat depressingly, that I crammed successfully for every exam in my academic career, with the exception of the LSAT (I tried and failed; those LSAC writers know what they’re doing). Up until recently, I thought this was a good thing. But since I met Carl Wylie, I find myself asking...

Is cramming really a good thing?

Cramming requires the ability to absorb information very quickly and then apply it. Cramming is a skill and I would argue, vehemently, a valuable skill. For starters, in today’s education-focused society, being a good crammer can ensure that you won’t end up like Richard Parker. But cramming is a double-edged sword because it is accompanied, inevitably, by the added consequence of retaining, in my unscientific, untested opinion, well less than 50% of the material. There are situations in the context of being a law student, which have nothing to do with exams, where this double-edged sword can feel like Excalibur. Over winter break, I went to interview with a judge for a summer internship. However, the interview was on very short notice, and I needed to be at least conversational regarding his recent opinions. So, on the 1-train, I did a WestLaw? search for his recent opinions and regurgitated them during the interview. Do I remember them now? I think one of them was about personal jurisdiction. A month after? A week after? An hour after? Nope. But I believe this was a perfectly appropriate cram; I’ll never need to discuss his opinions again. The same goes for torts. If the real world really does require me to know the difference between an invitee and a licensee, I’ll look it up.

My Wily Mission

But recently, I met Carl Wylie.

“Twenty-seven years—trillions of details! You ask me a month from now what the deal I’ve just done was about, I won’t be able to tell you. Don’t think it doesn’t make me stop and wonder what its done to my brain, either.”

By some outward measures, Carl Wylie is a success; after all, he is a hard-working partner at a law firm. At the same time, it would be difficult for me to believe that any one would want to be Carl Wylie; he’s a mildly manic-depressant, schizophrenic lawyer that “really don’t care” what the law is. However, he did make me reflect on my life.

About a year ago, I realized that my once great memory was eroding. At least a dozen times since I have started law school, I met someone and then saw them at a later date and began the conversation with “Nice to meet you, I’m Brian.” I’ve just altogether stopped telling people that it’s nice to meet them. Cramming isn’t learning. I have trained my brain to forget.

The only way I have noticed to counteract the forgetfulness is with a concerted effort typically sparked by an interest. If the person I meet is interesting, I don’t start the next conversation with “Nice to meet you.” Finals are six weeks away and the cramming needs to stop, but man... I really hate Property.

Carl Wylie has given me a mission: I need to find something, with long-term viability, that interests me, because I don’t want to end up like Carl Wylie. But if it doesn’t work out, at least I love espresso.

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