Trust Yourself

-- By EldonWright - 03 Mar 2009

You're Not Your Job...Really?

Much of the discussion regarding our career options has revolved around law firm versus public interest, the various practices of law, or the significance of picking our clients relative to the assignment of indigent defendants or corporations. This makes sense. We are in law school, and the prospect of discussion on these topics was a central reason many of us chose this course. How we go about weighing the various alternatives has even been broken down between selfishness and selflessness. This may be the most useful designation I have heard.

What I’ve thought about on the periphery of class or Wiki discussions is that students should not become too constrained by thinking in terms of legal career to forget the impact and legacy one can forge outside of how one makes their money. This is not to say nuanced consideration of potential career paths shouldn’t be an important, and at this juncture, central part of your thoughts on the matter. However, if a BigLaw or Public Interest position would affect your schedule or personality to such an extent you no longer partook of the activities or interactions that produced the peace in your life or happiness for those around you, than it’s probably not for you regardless of the work you are doing, and regardless of any sort of consideration of the social benefit you are enacting through the practice of the law. Selfishly considering these repercussions seems vital in determining your place in the law.

A Lengthy Anecdote

By all external measures this man’s career was something righteous and socially meaningful. Funding his education through the G.I. Bill, and despite dyslexia, Grandpa Gene persevered to attend Boalt Hall, becoming one of three public defenders for the whole of Orange County, California, and later a notably socially-progressive judge. There is a legacy of important cases won, judicious decision made, and everybody’s favorite down at the bar personality displayed. However the man was also a moody drunk who preferred golf to his family, on his fourth marriage when he died in his sleep from alcohol related heart failure. Though he was able to keep up appearances, my mother’s childhood was beset with cold, late dinners, missed recitals, and dishes broken out of anger. My relationship with him consisted of lengthy absences followed by brief, predictably strained Christmas dinners and generous checks tucked inside message-less birthday cards. The eggshells my family walked on during our scattered gatherings confirmed why we chose to spend significantly more time with Grandpa Eldon and Granny, though they lived eight hours further away.

Eldon never went to law school; in fact, he never made it to high school. Growing up in rural Oklahoma, his education ended in grade school, and by fifteen he worked full time in Roosevelt’s Civilian Conservation Corps. He would go on to serve as a career Army mechanic during World War II and the Korean War, never rising above the rank of sergeant. His retirement was spent supplementing his army pension by fixing lawnmowers on a small farm. That he was not the most educated or professionally notable man mattered little to those around him. And no one really discusses his career of radiators replaced and engines refurbished, though it was doubtless important to someone at the time. Instead he is remembered as a beloved patriarch and vital member of his community, affecting more change and joy through personal interactions than paid positions.

While Gene’s life fit neatly into traditional academic and professional definitions of success, the same standard hangs awkwardly on Eldon’s shoulders, since it fails to take into account the warmth and character of a man respected by all whose lives he graced. So, how does one measure the relative success of a man who celebrated his 60th wedding anniversary in the company of 300 loving guests; or who, for years, quietly ran errands for shut-in neighbors and served his church’s mentally challenged members?

Moral of the Story

I am plagued by a certain amount of disenchantment with the idea that some sort of otherworldly spiritual fulfillment can be found in directing one’s legal career on a certain trajectory. As my grandpas’ divergent lives remind me, professional accomplishments can mean little when measured against the spirit of one’s life. So maybe don’t worry too much about uncovering the apparent incongruities of BigLaw or Public Interest work. Instead, turn the focus inward to selfishly being true to yourself in a larger-than-legal sense. In the end I sincerely hope that each of us will be more than their hopefully celebrated and relevant legal career.

Worrying about external indicators of what constitutes a “good” position in the legal profession makes about as much sense as looking outside of yourself for what constitutes inner-peace. Whether it be serving as council for the indigenous people of The International Cause of the Week Club, or working toward becoming King M&A Partner in a massive global practice, your decision must hold the capacity for maximizing your whole self—on whatever scale or against whatever standards you personally trust as worthy. If it does not have this potential, it seems doubtful your choice will allow for much personal satisfaction or growth.

The irony that of all the topics presented by this course, I selfishly chose myself and my background is not lost on me. I can’t help it. Of late, this job stuff consumes my thoughts.

I share qualities with both my grandfathers, and while I fall well short of either man’s achievements, I aspire to the profession of one imbued with the character of the other. To be sure, I have yet to discovery where exactly this will direct me. Though, it is looking increasingly likely that it will not be in a high-rise in Midtown. I suspect that sort of position would not provide the professional setting that would allow me to become the individual I would like to see myself as: in law or in life.

Find a way to practice law in a manner that allows you to achieve fulfillment and positively affect your life both within and outside of the law. Regardless of what kind of law it is, to what end, or on what pay scale.

• I suspect we agree that if the CVs had been swapped the characters would still have seemed coherent: one could have been the drunk full of barely repressed rage as well as the other. Choosing one's life work is a luxury, not given to most people, and whether one chooses well or ill, the other challenges presented by our lives must still be dealt with. So anyone who was disposed to confuse character with occupation is well-reminded by your essay as it stands. But I wonder whether what is presently "consuming [your] thoughts" isn't an unproductive redirection of anxiety. You have a close grip on the issues of character to which the essay devotes itself. The discovery of your intellectual and temperamental strengths as a lawyer, on the other hand, remains to be made. Writing about things other than yourself here is a way to help make them.