The Importance of Words

Neither of my parents went to college. I can say with some degree of confidence that their embarrassment and regret over that fact blazed the trail I have followed for most of my life. Even as a young child I could sense that a great deal was riding on my academic performance - more, I think, than on my classmates with similarly grade-conscious but college-educated parents. My accomplishments in school measured more than my own ability; they provided the benchmark by which my parents gaged how successfully they'd prevented their own limitations from burdening me. Aware that my failure would disappoint in complex ways, I learned early on to equate academic success with self-worth.

When I first began to contemplate the propulsive force of expectations, I was certain that I had become a puppet rather than an adult, that my parents were constantly pulling strings in my subconscious. In the years after college and the distance they provided, I found some comfort in the realization that, more than anything, my parents were motivated by a desire not to seal my fate. I cannot deny that their regrets have had a lingering impact - because of them I have resisted central messages in this class, been unwilling to close certain doors, and have continued, to a degree, to view grades as determinative of my ability. I am confident, however, that they are not the reason I came to law school.

I came to law school because I care about words. I've cared about words for as long as I can remember and to an extent that I know often frustrates those closest to me. I enjoy splitting hairs and I am frustrated by imprecision. I was worried for a time that I chose law school on the misguided belief that I would make a good lawyer because I like to "argue." Over the course of the year I've realized that I came here not because I like to argue but because I am fascinated by what can be accomplished in a sentence and because I believed that it would lead to a career that recognizes that words matter.

This year has been challenging for me for a number of reasons. The most difficult aspect, and that which has given me the most pause, has been the first year curriculum's profound disrespect for words. I can appreciate what cold-calling encourages and I can hope that a three-hour in class exam at least teaches me to think on my feet. I cannot, however, find a silver-lining in the fact that, outside of this class, I had absolutely no valuable input regarding my ability to use words effectively. I learned to write like a stressed-out law student with not enough time, but gained almost no insight into how to write like a lawyer. I began the year confident that law school would provide me with the tools by which to turn my fascination into a career. I am ending it concerned that my writing skills are worse for the wear.

I am aware that I have finished less law school than I have left and that I am therefore speaking from a place of minimal experience. I do not think, however, that it takes three years to realize that the first is severely lacking. If lawyering is making things happen in society using words, the first year curriculum should begin go teach us how to make things happen in society using words. A one-credit, pass/fail writing course that meets once a week is not enough. Perhaps the Columbia administration assumes that none of us could have made it here without above-average writing skills. From reading the papers written for this class, I feel comfortable saying that that assumption is probably grounded in reality. But our collective linguistic facility should be cause for cultivation, not neglect. Each of us has the capacity to shape society - we should leave law school confident that we can do so using words, not pressured to accept unfulfilling jobs in order to "learn" to be lawyers. A system that provides first year law students with continuous feedback throughout the year is, I believe, a necessary first step toward accomplishing that goal.

Perhaps I am naïve to maintain the belief, after this year, that successful lawyering requires an interest in words and the ability to use them precisely. I think (hope) that, in reality, my expectations about law school, rather than the legal profession, were misguided. As this year ends, I am concerned that I will be returning next year for the wrong reasons. While I came to law school for myself, I am afraid that if I don't learn the skills I came to learn I will be staying only for my parents. I am especially worried that if I leave here without the ability to use words effectively I will be tempted to walk through one of those doors I've kept open only for them.

(I would like to keep editing this paper)

-- By ElizabethSullivan - 15 May 2012

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