Occupying the Grey Space

-- By WyattLittles - 09 Apr 2013

Where We've Been and Where We're Going

Our pasts lay the foundation for our future. Having hit the ovarian lottery, I am afforded privileges as a result of the hard work from those before me. Growing up, my parents always made sure that I not only understood the importance of humility, but also recognized the importance of planting trees under whose shade you do not expect to sit. For my entire life I have occupied the white space between the privileged and the poor, and have never felt entirely comfortable in either setting. I was born in the predominantly black, low-income community, Maywood Illinois. My high school experience in Texas however, was drastically different than what I had known in Chicago. While I spent my days in suburban Southlake Texas, outside of school, the neighborhoods of South Dallas were my home. Through time spent both working with my dad at his office, Enterprise Community Partners, and playing basketball, I constantly engaged with people less fortunate than myself, while still being afforded me the opportunity to attend an “elite” college. Having seen first-hand what it is like for both the “haves” and the “have-nots”, I look to my upbringing to influence my legal practice.

Similar to the ways in which I navigated my youth, I hope to be able to strike a similar balance in my professional career. Until this point, I never believed I had to choose between my various identities and interests. Leaving college, I was unsure what specific “job” I wanted, but I knew I wanted to do something personally fulfilling or meaningful. Whether for better or worse, I thought that a legal education would best prepare me to do this. I entered law school without a realistic idea of what the study and practice of law is actually like. Whether through working for the public interest or in the private sector, I naively believed that most lawyers did work that was meaningful to them. I have always looked up to my parents, and therefore always equated being an attorney with work that was “meaningful” despite the fact that I knew very little of what my parents did. I always knew that as the Director of Dallas Enterprise Community Partners, a non-profit organization with the mission of providing affordable housing for low-income communities my dad worked to help people, but never asked him how he chose his practice. Simultaneously, I witnessed firsthand the use that my mother put to her licensee in growing her own company. It was not until I began having to make these career choices that I started thinking critically on the ways in which my parents both found meaning in their work, despite having very different practices.

My Ideal Practice

Seeing the balance that my parents were able to strike through their practices, it was not until the first year of law school that I felt as though I was being forced to choose between two divergent worlds. Before coming to law school, I did not expect for the “private vs. public” sector dichotomy to be so pronounced. I got a sense very early on however that the two camps were pitted against one another by the administration, non-profits versus large firms, OCS versus SJI, justice versus capitalism, and I’m still not sure that I have bought into the rhetoric. In the law school setting, or quite possibly unique to Columbia, the idea of private interest work to many has undertones of students who see big law as a “means to an end”, a “temporary gig”, or a means of paying back student loans, while those pursuing the public interest labor for “justice”, and “equality”. I don’t believe these decisions are so simple however. Given my background, I have always been weary of black and white binaries. Therefore, the challenge for my practice, and what I do with my license will be dependent on how I navigate those shades of grey.

Ultimately, I hope for my law practice to meet somewhere in the middle between my father and mother’s work, because from my view both of their work has been meaningful in it’s own way. I do not believe that being the businessman and fighter for justice are binaries or incompatible at their roots. Although it may appear that way in the law school context, I don’t believe that is how the rest of the world or other professions view their careers. While thinking of how the law school creates such an arbitrary dichotomy, I could not help but be reminded of Judge Day’s quote from Lawyerland “Lawyers are spooky because they have no idea what real people think about them…You’re not a real person if you’re a lawyer! Real people know what real truth is!” I hope to occupy the space in between “real people” and what it means to be a “lawyer” through my practice. If I am not able to strike that balance while working at a large law firm, then that is not the career path for me.

While the administration’s language may more subtle, with EIP, the numerous e-mails we receive everyday from Career Services meant to incite panic, and the flurry of firm events the school sponsors speaks volume to institutional ideas of what types of careers they expect a large portion of their students to seek out. Like Mr. Robinson from Lawyerland, one of my biggest fears in “being beholden to anyone”. While I have an interest in the “business” side of law, I am not willing to give up my various other identities, interests, and sense of duty to help others. Life is never about doing all “good” deeds or all “bad” deeds, but rather the degree to which you commit yourself to your undertakings, and for me, the question is not about whether I will help others, but to what degree or impact I will have, and what type of practice will help me best realize these goals.

This draft says "I come from betwixt and between." It then says, "I think I can be a lawyer working as a businessman and also making a difference to people." The first is true if you say it is, and can be said more briefly than you say it, to the extent the essay requires. The second is the subject of the essay, and is stated but not explored. Nothing concrete is said, no actual imagination is used, so the feeling doesn't ripen into an idea, much less a plan.

At this point, the effort should be to imagine, not to decide, and also not merely to waffle, or speak generally about your desires. A revision that actually engaged imagination, about who, where, what, when, and how, would be very useful in bringing out of you what's presently unthought and therefore unspoken.